i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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