Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
