I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
