omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
