I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
