i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
