Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
