i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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