dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
