oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
