There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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