In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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