when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
