he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pants are for mortals
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
