I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
