my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
