I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
