i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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