my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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