Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
