I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think your dad took our porno
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
