carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
