Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
