oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
