Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
