It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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