would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
