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had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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