i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
