I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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