I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
