it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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