I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
