I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
