Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
