Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
