he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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