Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
