Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
