forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
