I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
