I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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