I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
