I wish I could teleport
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
