guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
