No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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