So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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