She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love having hate sex.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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