I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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