So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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