I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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