I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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