both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize