Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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