I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
