So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize