I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
