I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
