so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
