god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
