Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize