I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
