Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize