We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
