dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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