you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the liver wants what the liver wants
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
