Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
