If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize