god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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