I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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