wanna go halves on a baby?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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