I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
