I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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