Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so let's talk penis.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
